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Dirty Joke of the Day

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.
With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the
stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly
and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband
terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm
going to set the garage on fire."

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Blonde Joke of the Day

Oscar drove his brand new BMW to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it
outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.

Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily
greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he
needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I
just saw someone driving off with your new BMW!"

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"

"No," the blonde said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"

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Bar Room Joke of the Day

A man hurriedly walked into a tavern. He dashedup to the bar and said to the
bartender, "Gimme a double, before the shit hits the fan."

The man guzzled down his drink, and a few minutes later, came the same urgent request. "Gimme a beer before the shit hits the fan."

This goes on for an hour or so. Finally the Bartender goes up to the guy and says,
"Listen buddy, maybe you should pay before you get another drink."

The man replied, "Oops, looks like the shit just hit the fan."

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Misc. Joke of the Day

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband liked to fish at
the crack of dawn; his wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned
after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap.

The wife, to escape her snoring husband, decided to take the boat out. Since
she was not familiar with the lake, she rowed out to the middle, anchored the boat,
and started  reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat.

He pulled up alongside and said, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing here?"

"Reading a book," she replied, thinking, "Is this guy blind or what?"

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.

"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. You can see that, surely."

"But you have all the equipment, ma'am. I'll have to write you up."

"If you do that, I will charge you with rape," returned the irate woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," the sheriff objected.

"That's true; but you have all the equipment."

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Toon of the Day

Brainteaser of the Day

Dr. Joe Smythe had been fatally wounded with a single bullet in the
heart. The three suspects were all former girlfriends of the doctor. Each
woman made three statements. After an arrest was made, the detective
noted that Carlene and Paula each made the same number of true
statements (anywhere from zero to three true statements).

Who was arrested for this crime?


Lucinda: 1. Paula has shot a gun. 2. Carlene was in the office this
morning fighting with Joe. 3. I loved Joe.

Carlene: 1. Paula’s statements are all true. 2. Lucinda’s statements are
all true. 3. I haven’t seen Joe for over a month.

Paula: 1. Everything Carlene said is a lie. 2. I’ve never shot a gun in my
life. 3. Lucinda’s statements are all false.

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